Thursday, September 27, 2007
This is best done through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows stimulation to be slowed down, changed, or stopped before ejaculation becomes inevitable (stimulation then continues in a few moments, after the urgency fades).
This is best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral massage to bring her to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an extended period of time.
Keep your lubricants, oils, and gloves (if needed or desired) within easy reach, and cover the massage table with a blanket and place a clean sheet over this blanket. You can let the sides of the blanket and sheet drape over the sides of the table so that they may be brought up to cover the receiving partner (keeping him or her warm) after the massage is finished.
PropsPieces of (possibly fake) fur or feathers can be used for additional sensual tantalization, and an eye pillow or blindfold can be helpful in blocking out any unwanted light for your partner.
MusicPutting a CD (or prerecorded tape) of your favorite music on repeat play is a good idea. Some people are more comfortable with a pillow or rolled bath towel underneath their knees and/or head (when lying face up) or their ankles (when lying face down), and some women will be more comfortable with a pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first massage with your partner you might want to experiment a little or ask him or her.
If you're going to be giving the massage, take a look at your fingernails and clip them if necessary.
One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience more pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing.
One difference between men and women is that one may use oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants on men, while one should use only water-based lubricants on women to avoid encouraging vaginal infections.
Don'tsAlso remember that condoms are weakened by oil so it is important to ensure a waterbased lubricant when using condoms. Please be sure any water-based lube you may be using DOESN'T contain Nonoxynol-9. In this context Nonoxynol-9 is unlikely to do anything but irritate.
For genital massage on men, or for massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase special massage oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable oil (such as Safflower, Sunflower, or grapeseed) from the supermarket.
Lubricants and oils should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to keep them handy.
During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage it's important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests and comments. He or she should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and pleasure.
Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing massage on the back, legs, and feet.
Basic principles of relaxing massage include keeping your hands in contact with your partner, taking your time, being rhythmic yet sensitive, and proceeding from long gliding strokes to deeper ones.
When giving a massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your body weight rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table. After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn over. Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It can feel good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After finishing the fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals, teasing them.
This teasing process can be drawn out by brushing the inner thighs near the genitals, very lightly touching the pubic region, etc. At this point erotic energy is often building, making it a natural time to start shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.
Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it's a good idea to look into your partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals, and somehow ask his or her permission to go further.
The rest of the massage will focus on the genitals, with periodic sweeps up and down the body to spread, balance, and integrate the sensations. One of the skills that comes with practice is being able to read the energy and arousal levels of your partner, and smoothly and gradually ramp up from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage.
Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers
The basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down, stop, or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable. The best way to accomplish this is for the man to give a signal just before this point is reached. Verbal cues, raising a hand, pulling away slightly, or even subtle body language cues can all work well. This repeated "peaking" process can sometimes help men learn to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating, and can also be practiced during solo masturbation. Although delaying ejaculation during the course of the massage is desirable from the perspective of maximizing pleasure, many partners do like to finish the massage with one.
Ejaculation provides a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men too fatigued to enjoy the rest of the evening or do a good job massaging their partner; opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital massage with ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first. It's also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Letting your partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying his pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac. As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft.
Suggested Genital Massage Strokes
There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and consistent stroking will feel best.
One approach that some people favor is selecting two favorite strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once in a while.
Sliding Stroke -
With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis all the way to the tip.
Double Slide Stroke -
Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an alternating motion.
Teaser Stroke -
Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until ejaculation approaches inevitability.
It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do, then pleasuring can continue all the way through ejaculation and until your partner asks you to stop.
At the end of the massage (whether or not there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be folded up over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.
Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual response, in the following ways:
Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and feelings of warmth towards her partner. Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the clitoral orgasms as "sharper" and the G-Spot orgasms as "deeper".Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they like, and how they like it done.Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer and be more intense than that which men commonly experience. Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).
It's because of latter that the basic approach to erotic massage differs between women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a long time at a very high level.
Suggested Genital Massage Strokes
Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation.
Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a "free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc. Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly favored among women, there are many more.
When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further pleasure.
Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start right out with.
The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes, not always a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra.
One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to "come here". Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion.
Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal level increases.
You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.
Do and Enjoy and send me feedback!